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Victoria’s Secret has produced dozens of video promos this year but none is as charming as this one, which shows their Angels making a mess out of ‘Jingle Bells‘.

Erin croaks, Doutzen forgets the words, Candice is tuneless, and rocker wife Lily can give up any ambitions she might have about singing backup for the Kings of Leon.

But no one can top Adriana’s reference to “laughing all the way … in an open horse’s leg.” Sofia Vergara couldn’t have said it better.

Full marks to VS for releasing this little ditty, which shows the models at their least glamorous, making fun of themselves, and having a ball doing so.

It’s a welcome antidote to the bombardment of Michael Bay-directed commercial assaults we get all year long. And the best part? They’re not selling bras this time.

Tonight’s 16th annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show will be such a blinding blur of light, sound and skin it will be over before your brain has time to click into gear and make sense of it all. Which is partly the point of it all: just sit back, let the blizzard engulf you, then reach for your credit card.

But there’s a lot going on under the lights at the Lexington Armory besides just those gleaming, glittering, gorgeous costumed amazons. To help put the whole VS extravaganza into context, we’ve put together this little viewers’ guide.

This Year, It’s All About The Kids
Who can forget the highlight of last year’s VSFS, when junior Angel Chanel Iman got her wings and the offstage announcer could be heard gushing, “Go, baby Chanel!”? Well, this year at least eight of the 37 models will be younger than baby Chanel (who turns 21 on Thursday). Victoria’s Secret has been anxiously counting down the months on the calendar till they could enlist some of the current youth brigade of supermodels, including Karlie Kloss (19), Bregje Heinen (18) and Caroline Brasch Nielsen (18).

It’s a deliberate, and smart, move to fill in some of the conspicuous recent gaps in the Angel lineup after popular luminaries such as Heidi Klum and Marisa Miller — and now Rosie H-W — moved on. This year’s lineup skews younger (average age is 23.5), which fits nicely with the VS target market of youngsters with disposable cash.

Of course, the VSFS can also make you feel really old. Miranda is already 28 and Adriana and Ale, the grannies of the group, are the big 3-0.

This Year, It’s All About The Body
Hard to imagine, but there have been a few bumps in Victoria’s Secret’s gold-paved road to global domination this year. The company came under fire repeatedly (including here) for promoting unhealthy body types after several models (notably Candice Swanepoel and Lily Aldridge) appeared to lose weight dramatically. That perception wasn’t helped by occasional interviews in which Angels discussed their meager pre-show diets, and two (Miranda and Doutzen) bounced back from recent pregnancies to reveal to-die-for figures in record time.

A weak PR pushback tried to argue that these were simply healthy girls who spend a lot of time in the gym — not poster girls for eating disorders and compulsive weight loss. The launch this summer of a new sportswear collection gave VS the chance to show off its girls in a gym setting, but that didn’t silence the skeptics.

But this year’s Fashion Show gave Victoria’s Secret the final word after the company released a series of pre-show promotional videos showing Candice, Doutzen, Ale and Lily in workout sessions with personal trainers. Bottom line? These girls are astonishingly fit, flexible, toned and obviously very hard-working. Now that‘s good PR.

As a result, tonight’s show will be a kind of vindication for the Angels after a year of whispers and finger-pointing. Their version of body and weight management is still beyond the reach of most people, and the company still prefers models who are much, much slimmer than its average customer, but the Angels deserve credit for weathering the storm and projecting a kind of healthy, positive energy that radiates throughout the brand.

This Year, It’s All About The Boys
We tend to forget that Victoria’s Secret’s target demographic isn’t just sexy young women. It’s also horny guys.

Tonight’s Fashion Show acknowledges that reality by enlisting support from some of pop culture’s most notorious horndogs, Adam Levine and Kanye West, plus the superbly well-married Jay-Z. The VSFS is all about creating fantasies, and employing these stand-in stud doubles will give male viewers something to relate to … or at least aspire toward. And afterward, you know where they’ll do their shopping.

Yes, You Can Buy Those Outfits … Sort Of
The VS Fashion Show isn’t a typical runway show in that the brand isn’t strictly promoting a new collection (its holiday collection has been in stores and online for several weeks already). But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be making a shopping list while viewing tonight.

The extravagant costumes are all one-offs, so you won’t be buying them. Nevertheless, each costume has as its foundation (pardon the pun) key pieces from the VS catalogue — usually one of the newer push-up bras and lacey briefs.

And you can buy the zillion-dollar Fantasy Bra that Miranda will be wearing in tonight’s Aquatic segment. But no one will.

They’re Not Just Bodies, They’re People Too
One of our annual gripes about what is otherwise the best show on TV is Victoria’s Secret’s refusal to credit the models who walk its runway. Of course, most viewers will recognize the core group of Angels, who have almost ubiquitous media exposure in North America, but many of the remaining 30 models will be unknown to everyone except diehard fashionistas.

If prior years are an indication, tonight’s show will pass without the models being identified individually. There’s a logic to this — fashion catwalks are meant to focus on the wardrobe, not the models — but we still don’t like it. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself racing for your laptop after the show to try to put a name to some of those gorgeous bodies faces.

Here’s a tip: the fan site VSholic.com has a gallery showing every one of tonight’s models — and their names.

The Diversity Scorecard
The VS Fashion Show is fast becoming the Olympics of the fashion world: this year, models from 19 countries will be walk the runway. And here’s the big news: we have a new gold medal nation. The U.S. has reclaimed top spot, with 8 models appearing, beating Brazil (6), the hotbed of hotties that topped the field last year with 9 models.

There’s a strong turnout from Eastern European models, a pair from China and newcomers from Puerto Rico and New Zealand. What’s missing in this mix? India, Mexico, Japan and — wouldn’t this have been timely? — no one from the Middle East (although Shanina Shaik from Australia has some Saudi Arabian lineage). And get ready for a border skirmish when Canadian viewers realize that Jessica Stam and Coco Rocha didn’t make the cut this year. Whatever happened to free trade!?

A more serious issue relates to Victoria’s Secret sparing use of women of color in their shows and overall marketing. This issue has nagged the retailer for years, but this year’s show suggests the company is paying attention. You’ll see at least five women of color from four countries: Chanel Iman (U.S.), Anais Mali (France), Joan Smalls (Puerto Rico), Lais Ribeiro and Emanuela de Paula (Brazil).

Perhaps the best indication of the changing face of modeling can be seen in the young latte-skinned beauty Shanina: she counts Australia, Lithuania, Pakistan and Saudi Arabia in her heritage.

Like Junk Food for Fashion Snobs
Some of the most unlikely, but amusing, parts of the VS Fashion Show are the fleeting glimpses of celebrity audience members. Not the Angels’ rock star boyfriends and wannabe boyfriends, but the fashion industry heavyweights who always seem slightly out of place.

Keep an eye out for Anna Wintour, Carine Roitfeld, Alexander Wang, Donna Karan and others in the background and ask yourself: when was the last time they were in a Victoria’s Secret?

And tonight’s best stargazing moment? Beyonce!

Does It All Add Up?
Because it’s a paid-for package, the VS Fashion Show provides a revealing glimpse into the economics of broadcast television. With a budget this year of nearly $13-million, the show costs about six times as much to produce as a typical night on American Idol, or an entire season of Walking Dead.

And what returns does that investment create? Last year’s TV audience was about 9 million, putting the per-viewer cost above $1 — way too high to support most forms of ad-dependent programming.

Only VS knows, however, how much oomph the show delivers to its bottom line — and parent company Limited Brands has enjoyed consistently stellar results even throughout the recession. Of course, the company doesn’t need to be the biggest show on television, just so long as those who do watch spend afterwards.

Does This Show Have a Future?
Hard thought it may be to contemplate, the VS Fashion Show won’t be around forever … and possibly not for much longer. At least not in its current format, wedged into the late-night, post-family-viewing-hour slot by the FCC and network censors.

It’s not that the show isn’t a huge success — it is — but that technology might push it in new, more cost-effective directions. In short, you don’t need to pay CBS for an hour of prime-time real estate to win a big audience these days.

We saw a glimpse of the future of big-audience fashion shows last spring when French lingerie label Etam streamed its catwalk show live on the internet — and turned it into a slick, star-studded production. Fashion labels everywhere are looking at various live broadcast options that bypass television altogether and expand their reach.

And VS is already way ahead of the curve when it comes to cross-platform marketing. Tonight, they’ll stream a live “pre-show” at 9 p.m. on their Facebook page and website, the main event will be available through the VS iPad app, and there’ll be a constant blow-by-blow on Twitter.

Will all of this bring an end to the annual holiday tradition of watching the VS Fashion Show at home in the dark while your parents are out Christmas shopping? Possibly not for a while, but one thing’s certain: changing formats and a much bigger, broadly dispersed audience will turn the VSFS into an enduring “event”, not just a single hour of television.

This Year, It’s All About Timing
Sometimes, you just get lucky. When singer Cee Lo Green dropped out of the cast days before its taping, it left producers with a big hole in the schedule. They asked rapidly rising superstar Nicki Minaj to take the thankless job of stepping into Cee Lo’s oversized clown shoes.

Good move. A few days later, Nicki rocketed to the top of the hip-hop world by capturing the top prizes at the American Music Awards. It doesn’t hurt that the pink-haired rapper’s breakthrough album, Pink Friday, shares a name with Victoria’s Secret’s junior Pink line. Think that’ll make for a good music-fashion fit?

Oh, and Cee Lo’s late exit also solved another production problem: trying to get the Angels to agree to a lip-synch version of “F*** You“.

Finally, A Reality Show for Nerds
Let’s face it, the concept of “reality” is a bit elastic in the dungeon world of technology geeks (of whom we are one). But the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is nothing if not a reality show for the reality-challenged.

The only problem is that, well, with all this damned media coverage those Angels can be just a little too real, and depressingly so. If only they were game avatars, we’d could relate to them as equals.

Mercifully, other geeks out there have addressed this problem. In addition to a handful of massive (and fanatical) VS fan sites, there’s a tiny community of gameboys and girls who have turned the VS Fashion Show into a fake version of itself in Sims land. Do a YouTube search on “victoria+secret+sims” and prepare to be both horrified and amazed. (If you don’t know what Sims is, stop reading and go back to your book.)

Here’s part 1 of the entire 2010 VS Fashion Show, converted into a Sims version by the heroic (female) Euro-blogger TechnoMicky. Believe me, it takes MONTHS to do this.

And you thought spending an hour watching underwear models on TV was a waste of your time!

Watch Angels Lip-Synch Like Jagger
Posted by richard | November 28, 2011

Mick Jagger would likely be appalled if anyone out there really thinks he moves like this.

If nothing else, this lip-synch cover of the Maroon 5 hit — timed to promote tomorrow’s Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show — proves only that the Angels were never meant to dance.

But who’s complaining? This latest VS promo recalls the joyful spirit of last year’s terrific Angels mock-cover of Katy Perry’s ‘Firework‘ and gives Adriana, Ale and company a chance to let their hair down in advance of their big night. We should all have so much fun on karaoke night.

Dressing the Angels in menswear — rather than the usual glittery, bone-chilling smalls — gives the shoot a cool vibe that Adam Levine and Maroon 5 will be hard pressed to match during tomorrow’s (taped) performance. And, to be honest, Lily and Doutzen have some serious dance-floor moves.

But move like Jagger? Not in those heels!

Only One More Sleep …
Posted by richard | November 28, 2011

Forget about Black Friday and Cyber Monday. Forget about Christmas, for that matter.

Tomorrow is the happiest day of the year for fashionistas everywhere. Only one more sleep …

There, I said it.

The annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show (Tuesday, 10 p.m., CBS) may be a shamelessly corny infomercial, awkwardly staged and transparently superficial, but we don’t care. For one day a year, we absolutely adore VS and its often-bland representation of American sexuality and fashion.

It’s like a Vegas chorus line in your living room, and quite simply the most fun you’ll have watching TV all year — ogling those thoroughbreds, snarking about the outfits, lip-synching along with the pop stars, laughing at the goofy voice-overs and just plain gasping at the sheer extravagance of it all.

Tomorrow, we’ll have a special Viewer’s Guide to the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show to help get you primed and pumped.

In the meantime, enjoy these backstage images shot by VS’s superb go-to photographer, Russell James.

The annual Victoria’s Secret Fantasy Bra had a surprisingly modest public debut this week — a quick photoshoot, an appearance on a morning talk show, then back into the vault. Model Miranda Kerr didn’t even try it on for the cameras.

A bigger surprise, though, is that none of the gushing FOX-TV hosts asked Miranda the obvious question: “How can Victoria’s Secret justify such a pointlessly extravagant gesture now?”

It’s a question that has nagged the lingerie retailer every year since it introduced its first million-dollar “miracle bra” back in 1996, but it has never been more relevant than it is today. What does the Fantasy Bra say about Victoria’s Secret’s corporate values? Wouldn’t it have shown more sensitivity to retire this opulent bauble until Americans have crawled out of the economic wreckage of the past three years?

Of course, no one has ever bought one of company’s fantasy/dream/miracle bras, but that was never their point. It’s purely a marketing ploy that pays for itself each year with millions of dollars worth of free, fawning press coverage that promotes the upcoming Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show and the retailer’s annual Christmas collections.

And as an attention-getting device the jewel-encrusted bodice has served the company well. It was always fun to see something so ridiculously showy, with its over-the-top glamour and in-your-face price tag. The Europeans might have the market cornered on fashion lingerie, but no one can beat the Yanks when it came to pure showmanship. This wasn’t underwear; it was entertainment.

At its height, when everything was booming, the diamond bra became a symbol of the almost limitless rewards of American capitalism. $15 million … for a bra? Sure, why not? If you’ve got that kind of dough — or enough credit — who’s going to tell you how to spend it?

But that was more than a decade ago, back in the days when Tyra, Heidi and Gisele took turns hoisting the glittering hardware, and no extravagance seemed too extreme — or beyond our reach. Back in the days when aspirational marketing — enticing people to buy things they couldn’t afford — wasn’t a moral quagmire.

Today we are living in a post-Madoff world, where 25 million Americans have no job and protesters are camping out in front of banks and brokerage houses demanding more corporate responsibility. Entire nations — not to mention tens of millions of consumers — are foundering in a bottomless pit of debt.

Viewed in such a context, the VS Fantasy Bra has become the kind of let-them-eat-cake symbol of wealth and privilege that Marie Antoinette would have worn to her beheading. To borrow a phrase from the Occupy Wall Street gang, this is underwear for the 1%.

To give Victoria’s Secret some credit, the Fantasy Bra has been downsized over the past few years in deference to global hard times, from the record-setting $15-million contraption that Gisele wore in 2000 to the paltry $2-million piece that Adriana Lima showed off with obvious glee last year.

The 2011 version, called the Fantasy Treasure Bra, is likewise a modest affair — if you can call $2.5 million worth of bling modest. It’s also exquisitely pretty — one of the nicest ones they’ve ever done.

Even so, it’s still obscenely extravagant and hopelessly out of synch with the world we live in. Ostentatious displays of wealth and entitlement are out. Crass commercialism and frivolous splurging are out. And the Victoria’s Secret Fantasy Bra is no longer an aspirational touchstone — it’s just something else that is beyond everyone’s reach, an ironic commentary on America’s failing fortunes and a reminder of its blind hubris.

Once a source of awe and delight, the Fantasy Bra has become an awkward anachronism. It’s not sexy, it’s not practical and, finally this year, it is beyond all rationalization.

With all due respect to the talented craftsmen and marketing people who have worked so hard on these productions over the past 15 years, it’s time to send the Fantasy Bra back to the vault. For good.

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